Koi…Mil Gaya, 2003

Directed by: Rakesh Roshan

This movie almost made me loose the faith. It made me seriously question at one point WHY I would ever be dabbling under the dangerous influence of Indian Cinema.

There are so many things about this film that are just so fantastically absurd that I hardly spent a minute NOT in high-pitched, hysterical laughter. Ask K, she was there, she witnessed this loss-of-brain-spectacular. There are so many life-altering manifestations of “Just…WOW!”

1. What the heck was up with Rohit’s (Hrithik Roshan) mutant thumb!? Why was it there? Did it give him magical powers? Was it for eating delicious slugs from under logs? It is responsible for his amazing basketball skills?*

2. I still don’t get why Jadoo was even there. True to form, I was Twittering away (because I am an addict that needs a 12-step program) while watching this, so I might have missed that important detail, but it just seemed so… Ok, fine, I know it’s supposed to be Sci-Fi (which I have differing, yet very strong opinions on to begin with) but I felt it was lacking in development. It seemed very patched together, like there was more to the story at one time, but it all got hacked out.

3. Jadoo didn’t even do anything! He just looked rather like a blow-up doll (as far as his facial expressions are concerned.)the entire time and just aided Hrithik in his already stellar jumping. Oh, and turned Rohit into an insufferable cock-of-the-walk. I thought he was actually going to do something; like hatch elaborate plans for world domination, or travel back in time to a world stuck in 1920s Mobster New York where they have daily shoot-outs, fall in love with a woman who would then later die, tragically, struck by a car en route to a movie (if you get that, you know my deepest, darkest, best-kept secret). But he did nothing of the sort. He just looked cute, and made his brain glow every once and a while. Can we say “letdown”?

4. Rekha. Rekha. Rekha. I have a total girl-crush on Rekha. I want her hair so badly I’d shave her head and collect the pieces, make a wig, and then never take it off. I wish my name was Rekha, so that people could obtain as much pleasure from saying my name as I do when I say hers. Reeeekkhaaaa. Not only is she my one-true-love (sorry, Neetu, it’s not you it’s me… you know) but she has a few kick-ass moments in this film where she tells people what, exactly, is what. GO GIRL!

5. I can’t remember too much of the music, Twittering and alternating between tears and giggles as I was, but I did really LOVE Haila Haila. Maybe it was the orchestration, the playback singers, or Hrithik’s wardrobe, but it just felt like it had wandered out of a Shashi movie and transplanted into this one.

6. I seriously thought that Hrithik could just jump as high as he can. I didn’t even think about the use of harnesses until K made a sarcastic comment about them. It is fair to say that I felt really dumb, but at least glad that she pointed it out before the pivotal basketball scene. That would have really been embarrassing!

7. Preity Zinta, darling filmi clone, you are too cute for words.

8. I found everyone’s reaction to Jadoo a bit… melodramatic. They were going to open-fire on his house with cannons if the alien wasn’t surrendered? Odd.

9. Sometimes, I question casting directors taste level when Johnny Lever is involved.

10. This film actually did not make me question my faith in the Bolly. Good golly, that’s well and firmly established, and it is not going anywhere.

This probably isn’t a film I’ll be revisiting, unless I ever take up drinking, in which case it would be spectacular and well worth it. However, for all the sarcasm it was rather charming.

*There is some debate over the validity of Hrithik’s current “Jesus hair”. I for one, really like it. I dig men with longer-ish hair. Yum!

*Hindsight is a great intellgence booster. I get the thumb thing now.