End of The Hurricane Roundup!

New Yorkers, we have survived a weekend of cabin fever, overblown weather reports and no subways! How are YOU faring?

-I just cut myself shaving and bled all over my duvet cover. I didn’t know I had cut myself until after staining every cloth-covered apparatus in my house. This is timely, since I needed to wash my duvet cover anyway… This is also unfortunate since it means I actually have to wash my duvet cover.

-I really, really hate the VMAs. Let me amend that… No. I can’t. I don’t get the point. This is what growing up without cable will do to you.

-I had cabin fever like no one has ever had so I went for a 50 block walk. I stumbled across a florist’s display windows. On one side were these beautiful paper lanterns, on the other lovely, lovely orchids sitting under UV lights (is that a thing?).

orchids

-I had planned on getting a bite to eat on my massive walk, but after sitting down at a delicious smelling restaurant and noticing I had left all my cash and credit cards at home I had to awkwardly leave sans eating. It’s just as well, I looked like I had been washed ashore from Irene, not sleeping soundly through it.

-I had a major fail with some grilled cheese this morning. And based solely on contextual clues and the fact that I met her when she moved in, my new neighbor is a total beyotch. That door mat is literally 3 inches away from my door mat. It’s so psychologically unsettling to be told to “GO AWAY” as soon as you walk out of your front door.

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-New Twitter DPs equal a new post explaining them! Gone is the Come Hither Nerd and up is the Washed Ashore By Irene look. This is a great case study Erin Psychology. I’m very comfortable looking either way, but usually out of plain “who-gives-a-rat’s-ass-I’m-not-wearing-makeup” I look like Irene Survivor on the daily. Generally this means I walk around without eyelashes… since I have tiny, tiny ones. Eyelashes. It’s getting late. Who cares about coherency? NOT ME. I will say, I love some red lipstick and fugly glasses, though.

hisandhers

-This is the best quote I’ve heard on a TV show in ages: (To a group of SS Officers) “I was on my way to this gay gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled when I suddenly thought, ‘Gosh, the Third Reich’s a bit rubbish, I think I’ll kill the Fuhrer.” So thank you, Doctor Who, for that.

5 Reasons Why I’d Bet on Me in a Survival Situation

Hurricane Irene is fast approaching! While I doubt the hype of the fear mongering news I’d still like to submit my candidacy for winning. Just winning. I’d survive, and here is why:

1. I spent seven years at summer camp. Not braid-your-hair-and-make-rick-rack-in-the-craft-barn summer camp, but dump-you-in-the-woods-and-dig-a-hole-to-piss-in-summer camp.  Yeah, I’m queen of the girly-girls but I can also tie knots, use a compass, eat wild berries and, as I tweeted this morning, apparently can start a fire with anything. Even my mammaries. Not only can I do all this, but I love it. I’m Katniss f-ing Everdeen.

I know you want proof. Here is proof. Please ignore the obvious 15-year-old-awkwardness and rampant braids.

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D.A.R.E. to prevent group hugs and B.O… maybe…

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This picture just drips with survival skills and bad choices in hair styles.

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This might be the moment where I tell you those are Chanel sunglasses. Trekkin’ in STYLE.

2. I basically minored in archery in university out of boredom.

3. I’m not afraid to takeover. I manage 15-20 adults twice/three-times my age every day. I didn’t get to the top (of the job I am very grateful for) for being cute. I basically got there for being the H.B.I.C.

4. I’ve had dysentery. You all knew this was coming on my list, but hear me out.
A) I know what it feels like to literally beg for death rather than to try living one more second.
B) I know that even when you’re body is falling out of itself, you still have to get your butt in gear and get   on that film set. Salman Khan waits for no man/dying female!*

5. Thanks to my religious upbringing, I’m basically boss at packing “go bags”. And while I don’t really have one at this second (Lies. I have a mini one. A basics one.) I know how to put one together.

If you read this, you’re as bored as I am.

Happy Hurricane!

*He does, however, make us wait for him. For 9 hours.